Trace Adkins, "Brown Chicken Brown Cow"

Simply put, Trace Adkins' new single is a lot less "The Rest of Mine" and a lot more "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk" and "Ala-Freakin'-Bama."  But should I criticize an Adkins novelty tune on the grounds that it's pointless and stupid?  That would be like criticizing doughnuts and honey buns for having too many calories.  But if I do find myself in the mood for some junk food, there are lots of places I'd go to before hitting this joint.

"Brown Chicken Brown Cow" is a ditty about a farming couple who head up to the barn loft and get it on in the hay.  You know, "Bow chicka bow bow"... Get it?  Now country music has never been a genre strictly sterile and sanitized.  There have been plenty of country singers who didn't hesitate to lay a good sexy song on us, whether it's Charlie Rich going "Behind Closed Doors," or Trisha Yearwood making love "Like We Never Had a Broken Heart," or even Luke Bryan telling us the real reason why "Rain Is a Good Thing."  But with cringe-inducing lines about the chicken and cow "fightin' each other for a front row seat," this animal trots right past sexy and hops the fence into T.M.I. territory.

But one of the biggest problems here is that we have a tacky pun and some PG-13 imagery pulling all the weight here.  Nothing else about this song - definitely not the heavy country-rock production and grating guitar licks - stands out as being at all clever or interesting.  There's just no redeeming quality to make this single anything but utterly atrocious.

Of course, it's 'all in good fun,' and it's 'just a fun song', and I shouldn't overthink it, and blah blah blah...  I know.  There's nothing wrong with a good harmless ditty, but "ditty" status does not make a song immune to criticism, especially when it's as poorly executed as this.  Bottom line:  I'm not criticizing it because it's junk food; I'm criticizing it because it tastes bad.

TRACE'S SCORE:  2
(Scores are given on a scale of 1 to 10)

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